The Bears and Packers have the longest and perhaps most storied rivalry in the NFL. The two teams have squared off 181 times, but Sunday will mark their first playoff meeting since 1941.
The teams not only share a proud lineage, they both also won Super Bowls with Jim McMahon (though the punky QB was merely a backup for Brett Favre in Super Bowl XXXI).
With all due respect to the Steelers and Jets, you have to believe this is the game that America is looking forward to Sunday. Which begs the question — who do you got?
Let’s break this down scientifically:
Tough-guy linebacker
The Bears’ Dick Butkus and Packers’ Ray Nitschke personified the word “linebacker.” Butkus had eight Pro Bowl appearances, Ntschke was a member of those famed Packers teams that won five NFL titles and the first two Super Bowls. This one is too close to call, so we will settle this by acting career. Butkus played a strict yet fair principal on Hang Time, but Nitschke was in the original The Longest Yard.
Advantage: Nitschke, because I think he broke his (expletive) neck. (Packers 1-0)
Famous adaptations
Any man over the age of 40 fondly recalls James Caan‘s performance as terminally ill Bears RB Brian Piccolo in Brian’s Song. Not to mention, a young future Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) as Gale Sayers. And while I am sure that Tom Brady loved the performance of Lombardi on Broadway, I’m sure he didn’t cry at the end.
Advantage: Brian’s Song (Tied 1-1)
Stadium
The Packers have the famed frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field. The stadium could be considered football’s Mecca, and is likely on many football “bucket lists.” The Bears have a dirt field painted green, and any charm of the original Soldier Field as been stripped because of the renovation. In fact, it looks like one of those alien space ships from Independence Day landed on the old Soldier Field. Poor show, Bears.
Advantage: Lambeau Field (Packers 2-1)
Nickname
The Steelers have won the most Super Bowl titles, but did you know the Packers have more NFL championships? Yes, much to Dave Dameshek‘s chagrin, the NFL did exist prior to the Super Bowl era. So it’s fitting that Green Bay is known as Title Town. The Bears are known as the Monsters of the Midway. A nicknamed lifted from the University of Chicago, the same way Vanilla Ice lifted the beat of Queen’s Under Pressure for Ice, Ice Baby. Poor form, Bears.
Advantage: Title Town (Packers 3-1)
Coaching
The Packers have had Curly Lambeau and Vince Lombardi. The Bears had Papa Bear George Halas and Iron Mike Ditka. Tough call, but while both teams are playing for the Halas Trophy on Sunday, the Lombardi Trophy is the ultimate goal.
Advantage: Packers (Packers 4-1)
Greatest player
Bears RB Walter Payton retired with the NFL rushing record. Packers WR Don Hutson retired with every conceivable receiving record. Payton, though, is still in the conversation for the greatest running back ever. Most people seemingly have forgotten that Hutson even played and ignorantly proclaim Jerry Rice as the greatest receiver of all-time. Still, it is hard to go against Sweetness here.
Advantage: Bears (Packers 4-2)
Beer
Miller vs. Old Style. Miller trots out different styles of its product (MGD, Miller High Life, Crystal Miller Lite) like the University of Oregon does uniforms. Meanwhile, Old Style just continues to stick with the original.You have to respect that.
Advantage: Bears (Packers 4-3)
Embarrassing celebrity fan
Which career of a second fiddle inexplicably lasted the longest – former Bears backup QB Vince Evans (who might still be playing) or Jim Belushi? That’s a tough one. But how did Larry the Cable guy become known as a rabid Packers fan? Is that enough to git-r-done? Nah.
Advantage: Bears because Vince Vaughn just won’t seem to go away, either. (Tied, 4-4)
What’s in the bun?
Bratwurst or a Polish sausage? As a fat man, that is akin to choosing between your two children, though both are known to give heart attacks. There is really nothing to distinguish the two, so this one will again be settled by Hollywood. And Abe Froman, the sausage King of Chicago might be one of the greatest alias of all time.
Advantage: Bears (Bears 5-4)
Uniforms
Two classic styles here. The Packers, quite simply, have a top three uniform in the NFL. The Bears would be there if they wore their throwbacks from earlier this season.
Advantage: Packers (tied 5-5)
Again, we are knotted up. Looks like the fans are going to have to settle this in the comments section. Let us know who you got in this matchup. Well, after you first rip me for this being stupid. But after that, give us your thoughts.
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