Hearts are breaking all over Texas with the news that QB Tony Romo popped the question to his girlfriend, Candice Crawford. And yes now is your opportunity to make your own, “at least he will own a ring” joke.
Not me though, because I’m a professional.
But congratulations to the future Mrs. Romo although there are a few things you should know. For one, that is the only ring you are ever going to get from him (zing! classic misdirection form the earlier sentence, see I’m a professional). And don’t expect a career bump if this thing goes south. I have one word for you, Candice — mom jeans. That’s right, just look at Jessica Simpson who has resorted to being engaged to former 49ers TE Eric Johnson. Word on the street is that Simpson bought her own engagement ring.
Are you kidding me? That is the only reason I never asked out Simpson. I figured that since I didn’t have 98 Degrees money, I would never be able to afford the ring if things went really well. Had I known this was in play, things could have been a lot different. But enough about that.
The question now, is Romo the biggest catch of all of the NFL quarterbacks? Here is a breakdown of the best marriage material among NFL quarterbacks, regardless of current marital status.
But before we get to that list, here are some the quarterbacks you would want to avoid. Donovan McNabb (because he will be hanging around the house too much now that he doesn’t have a job). Carson Palmer (because you don’t want him to come home and whine about his diva receivers). Alex Smith (have you seen the number of coordinators he’s gone through?).
6. Curtis Painter. You know those shots of the wives they show when a player goes down on the field? The clasped hands and worried expression on the wife’s face? No wife of Painter will ever have to go through that because he will never be on the field because Peyton Manning plays every play. Painter has the greatest job in the NFL. He’s a quarterback, his team wins and he never gets touched. Like ever. And when Manning throws that game-crippling interception to end the game — like last year’s Super Bowl — you can sit quietly and say, “my husband would have won that game.”
And with the way Manning throws his receivers and linemen under the bus, do you really want him to show up at your kid’s parent/teacher conference and start pointing the finger at you because Peyton Jr. got a timeout for trying to call an audible during the spelling bee?
5. Kerry Collins. He is not only a starting NFL quarterback. He is very close to also bringing in his pension. You have to like that.
4. Sam Bradford/Philip Rivers. Not only are they the bright young stars of the NFL, but there is also a chance you could be moving to Los Angeles soon. A starting NFL quarterback’s salary goes pretty far on Rodeo Drive.
3. Ryan Fitzpatrick. A starting NFL quarterback and a Harvard grad. Win, win. Snap him up quick before the Bills make their first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft.
2. Tom Brady. Almost the sure-fire No. 1 to most. He’s got the looks. The rings. And the hair. Alright, two out of three isn’t bad. But there was a point in Brady’s life where he looked at Bridget Moynahan and said, “you are not good enough.” Going with Tom is a lot like the NFL, as in, not for long.
1. Tim Tebow. Forget the good looks. If you and Tebow have a bouncing baby boy with the Broncos quarterback, Tebow will do the circumcision for free. Win, win.
Alright, that is enough about me, let’s hear from you the NFL enthusiasts, which NFL quarterback would make the best husband?
Posted in: Sidelines
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